Girl Come Undone (undone_one) wrote in a_carton,
Girl Come Undone

Hello everyone. I just want to say that I think it's great to have a community like this. I think general comments are good, but if anyone wants to pinpoint any specific lines, please feel free to. Thanks.

I've got a little something I wrote a couple weeks ago. As I'm looking at it now, the second stanza is probably overworked and over the top. In case you are interest in the process: the first stanza just came to me, while the second one was a visual in my head I struggled to put into words.

Old Haunts

Gliding past your old haunts
Nervous to get a glimpse of you,
I pluck scents from the air, imagining
They emanated from your flesh.
Other voices speak your words,
Harmless, taunting penetration
Driving clarity to confusion
Forgetting caution to impulse.

Footprints in the snow mingle
In overlapping caresses leaving behind
Evidence of an extravagant dance
Choreographed by a fiend snickering
At my attempt to discern which print is yours
Among the muddle of compacted ice crystals,
Luster-crushed, each contact casually defiling
Innocence, irretrievable even for the relentless.

Also, I'm planning to delve in at the end of the week (after finals) and read/comment on what everyone has been upto.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.